Struthiomimus (Thunder-Beasts by Sky Kids)

Growing up in the 90’s I had quite the collection of toy dinosaurs from a multitude of companies. Everything from UKRD, AAA, and Larami, to Carnegie, Tyco, Kenner, and Playskool. One brand I didn’t have represented was Thunder Beasts, so when I recently came across this ornithomimid that was stamped 1993 on the bottom, I was truly vexed as to its origin. Since it was only a couple of bucks, I decided to buy it and investigate its identity. It took the car ride home for me to sleuth out that it must be from the Thunder Beasts line, a line I had no experience with but had heard whispers of across the web.

Thunder Beasts seems to be a largely forgotten brand. There isn’t too much information online about them and I’m not aware of anyone who collects them heavily, though I’m sure the line has its admirers. There is only one Thunder Beasts review on the DTB, the Coelurus, which was notable for being the only representative of that genus for a long stretch of time. Other notable genera from the line include a Ornithosuchus, Saurolophus, and Ornitholestes. The brand does have a presence on eBay where the toys seem to sell for about $30 each.

I’m going to be completely honest about this figure, I don’t like it, and I struggle to find any redeeming qualities about it. That it’s an ornithomimid is the only praise I can give it. The only reason I paid $2 for it was to share it here, with you. These are the sacrifices I make for you ungrateful lot.

The Thunder Beasts Struthiomimus stands about 6” tall and measures about 9.5” from beak to tail. It stands best when put in a tripod posture, but the legs rotate completely around so you can give it a horizontal posture if you want. The head/neck, and arms, can also rotate completely around but it’s all kind of useless and basic articulation.

The head is ridiculous looking with a dopey, dim expression. The torso is so slim that it makes the toy look like a snake with limbs. The torso and thighs are detailed with circular scales, but the rest of the body is detailed with excessive wrinkling that makes the toy look sad, saggy, and uncomfortable in its own skin. When in doubt, wrinkle it out, seems to be the motto for these cheap toy dinosaurs.

The toy is painted orange with wavy black markings randomly distributed across the toy. The inside of the mouth and tongue are red, and the claws are unpainted. The eyes are white with black pupils with tiny white dots painted on them, which I guess is supposed to look like reflected light, but it seems like an excessive amount of work to put into such an otherwise lazy toy.

I feel uncomfortable writing a negative review about this toy. I mean, it’s standing RIGHT THERE, on my desk, looking at me while I type. It’s that jolly, dumb expression on its face that does it. It looks as if it’s so happy to finally have a home when in reality, it doesn’t, not a home where it will be loved anyway. After this review it’s getting relegated to my daughter’s box of forgotten toy dinosaurs. She doesn’t care about it, no one does or ever has. It has probably spent the last 30 years in a box, and yet it looks so optimistic despite its hardships. It’s looking at me like, “do I make the cut? Do I get to go in your dinosaur cabinet?” To which I reply, “no, derpy Stuthiomimus, you don’t.” I’ll have to bury it in the bottom of the box too, so that it can’t guilt trip me with its foolish confidence whenever I glance at the box. But it’s all too little, too late. I’m destined to be forever haunted by its naïve stupidity. Suddenly it seems like I paid a lot more than $2 for the Thunder Beasts Struthiomimus. I paid for it with a piece of my soul.