STAR WARS, JURASSIC PARK, STAR TREK

[dragon53]

FRIDAY, APRIL 1

STAR WARS: THE FIRST SHOOTER---Lucasfilm head Kathleen Kennedy announced a Disney+ eight-part miniseries that settles the long-running controversy of who shot first: Han Solo or Greedo in the cantina scene in the original STAR WARS. Harrison Ford will return as Han Solo using ILM's de-aging technology. Kennedy said Gina Carano will play soon-to-die Greedo, "So I can get rid of her from the STAR WARS franchise once and for all."





STAR TREK: SON OF KHAN---Paramount+ announced another new spinoff tv series which begins with the deleted scene in STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN where Khan's infant son is next to the Genesis Device before it explodes and destroys the starship Reliant. The infant's remains are blown to the planet Beta Max VIII where Genesis rejuvenates the remains into an adult, "Son of Khan", who then seeks revenge on Dr. David Marcus, the son of Capt. James T. Kirk, who was also rejuvenated on the Genesis Planet after being killed by a Klingon in STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK. The spinoff will focus on Son of Khan's relentless pursuit of David Marcus in which he repeats the oath his father swore to pursue Capt. Kirk, "He tasks me. He tasks me, And I shall have him! I'll chase him 'round the moons Of Nibia, And 'round the Antares Maelstrom, and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up!"







STAR TREK: THE TROUBLE WITH TRIPLES---new Paramount+ spinoff series in which Capt. James T. Kirk and the crew of the starship Enterprise travel back in time to prevent the Paramount+ plan to triple the number of STAR TREK spinoff shows which will lead to fan fatigue and kill the entire STAR TREK franchise. William Shatner and George Takei said preventing the deluge of new spinoffs to save the franchise is so important that they will end their long-running feud and reunite for the new spinoff series.





INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST DREAM---reliable sources say the plot of the last Indiana Jones movie starring Harrison Ford has psychologist Dr. Bob Hartley waking up and telling his wife Emily that the entire Indiana Jones franchise was really a dream because before he went to bed, he watched Ford in BLADE RUNNER 2049.





JURASSIC PARK: ALIEN VS DINOSAUR---Steven Spielberg and Ridley Scott replied to fan criticism that both the JURASSIC PARK and ALIEN franchises have run out of creative juices by announcing a reboot movie of both franchises in which Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) lead a spaceship carrying the weaponized dinosaurs from JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM into outer space to battle an invading Alien army that threatens Earth. Muhammad Ali (Will Smith) will pilot the spaceship and slap any Alien who insults his wife. Spielberg said the reboot will no longer limit the creative potential of the JURASSIC PARK franchise to Isla Nublar, but it will now be in outer space, "Where no dinosaur has gone before."











DR. NO---at a Hollywood press conference, producer Barbara Broccoli announced the next James Bond movie will be a reboot of the first 007 movie, DR. NO, which will be titled DR. YU NO WHO and that former DOCTOR WHO star Jodie Whitaker will be the first female James Bond. Broccoli was ecstatic when there was a thunderous roar to her announcement about a female 007, but a reporter explained the thunderous roar was really Ian Fleming rolling over in his grave.





CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR PART II: C'MON MAN!!!---Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts return for the sequel in which Congressman Charlie Wilson's ghost returns to Afghanistan to deliver Stinger missiles to the hundreds of Americans left behind after President Joe Biden's disastrous withdrawal. The Americans will use the Stingers to shoot down the many Black Hawk helicopters left behind that are now flown by the Taliban to attack the Americans. Wilson's ghost then travels to Ukraine to deliver more Stingers to the Ukraine army to shoot down Russian jets after Biden's Afghanistan withdrawal told Russian's Vladimir Putin that Russia could invade Ukraine without US reprisals because Biden's foreign policy was one of appeasement and incompetence.





THE ASSASSINATION BUREAU---remake underway of the 1969 assassination movie that starred Diana Rigg, Oliver Reed and Telly Savalas. The remake movie has a modern-day female movie critic hiring assassins to assassinate movie producers who are making the avalanche of assassin movies about retired Special Ops assassins, retired CIA assassins, retired mob assassins, Russian mob assassins, assassins assassinating assassins, female assassins, black assassins, Asian assassins, blind assassins, child assassins, alien assassins, illegal alien assassins, transgender assassins, dwarf assassins, amnesiac assassins, pet assassins, animated assassins....





THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES: I DID THAT!---CBS is developing a reboot of the hit 1960s sitcom that starred Buddy Ebsen. The reboot has hillbilly Jed Clampett becoming a billionaire after finding oil on his property and moving to Beverly Hills. But when President Joe Biden's Green New Deal cancels the Frack-U Pipeline that would have carried the oil from Jed's property to Houston to be refined, Jed and his family are penniless, while the Biden administration tries to lower soaring gas prices by seeking to buy oil from Russia, Iran and Venezuela.
Jed regained his lost fortune by inventing the Joe Biden "I Did That!" stickers that are appearing on gas pumps all across the nation.





TRIVIA---for the first time in the history of the Academy Awards, the 94th ceremony had three hosts. Also, for the first time in history, the number of the ceremony hosts exceeded the number of people who watched it on tv.

[Crackington]

Looking forward to seeing all of these