Corrupt a wish

[Concavenator]

Granted, but at the cost of reducing your eyesight by a 70 %.

I wish I could teleport to anywhere I want.

[Stegotyranno420]

Granted, but only to cities named "Anywhere-I-want"
I wish for FIRE

[Halichoeres]

Granted, you have one small tea candle in a receptacle that makes lighting anything else with it virtually impossible.

I wish for a nice fish tank.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, you have one small tea candle in a receptacle that makes lighting anything else with it virtually impossible.

I wish for a nice fish tank.

Granted, it looks nice, but fish cannot survive in it.

I wish I didn't make this wish

[Halichoeres]

Granted, now I have a tank hospitable to fish. Boy, you're bad at this game! 

I wish dogs could use toilets.

[Stegotyranno420]

Granted, but then they start to adopt other huamn customs. After Independence, they become allies with their former domesticators and launch a interspecies war against Chimpanzees, dolphins. Elphants and gorillas are neutral but support the welfare of the innocent of both sides, forming a sort of animal version of the Red Cross. After Humans leave earth for space, dogs are the new overlords. A cat rebellion causes the relocation of all cars to Australia, where they are enslaved by Dingo Overlords.
I think this escalated a bit.

I wish to own a moon of Jupiter

[Halichoeres]

Granted, once the deed is transferred, the moon is delivered to your current home at high velocity.

I wish street engineers were required to spend twenty hours each as a pedestrian and bicyclist on each of their creations.

[Stegotyranno420]

That is a good one, unfortunately all of them resign because of this new rule.

I wish for Cinnamon Toast Crunch to trade in 16th century Europe and make big bucks

[Gothmog the Baryonyx]

Granted, but this overuse causes these extinction of all organisms used in the process which in turn destroys the whole ecosystem before your wish was created this making a paradox and destroying all existence.

I wish that people stopped killing sharks.

[Stegotyranno420]

Granted, we wage war on beetles now

I wish for carpenter bees wouldn't patrol in my faces when I am on the road at risk of crashing

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, instead they forcibly take the wheel and make you crash.

I wish for Shrek 5

[Lynx]

Granted, it has a worse moral and plot than Chicken Little. Also, because Shrek 5 was heavily rushed, the animation quality looks like something out of a mobile game. And finally, to put insult on injury, it has a painful amount of throwbacks to the original versions to the point where it's not even just a nod back and becomes a sad rip-off of the last few.

I wish Shrek 5 was as good as the new Puss In Boots movie

[Stegotyranno420]

Granted, but while good it has a very political message to it for some reason.

I wish for apples

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but they're mealy, bland Red Delicious apples.

I wish destitution upon Nanmu.

[Stegotyranno420]

Granted. Hundreds of workers cannot feed their families now

I wish to get all of the plastic in the world and throw it into venus

[Pliosaurking]

Granted but Venus then exploded.

I wish to have a saltwater crocodile as a pet.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted but Venus then exploded.

I wish to have a saltwater crocodile as a pet.

Granted, it eats you.

I wish Paper

[Halichoeres]

Granted, your house is made of paper. Enjoy the rain.

I wish restaurant portions were smaller.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, your house is made of paper. Enjoy the rain.

I wish restaurant portions were smaller.

Granted, now Steaks are only a few cells thick, and cost twice as more as usual.

I wish Scissors

[Lynx]

Granted, but then in an alternate universe you wish for rock, causing the two universes to merge. In the chaos, your scissors are broken by a rock.

I wish for the scissors to be repaired.