Corrupt a wish

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but the laws are that everyone who publishes one, must publish three in 24 hours more to avoid a sentence, which in turn leads to the internet being flooded with more and more clickbait articles at an ever decreasing quality.

I wish that housecats didn't go killing small dinosaurs and mammals despite being fed by their humans.

In other words, you wish that people just kept their cats indoors? Granted, a law is passed to this effect, but the enforcement is draconian and involves flamethrowers.

I wish I had an aquarium with a levitator built in so that it was easy to move and didn't have to be emptied to do so.

[Silvanusaurus]

Granted, but it can only levitate when over a perfectly flat surface and only while moving faster than the speed of sound.

I wish I could shed my skin like a snake, and that every time I did so I was restored to a youthful and perfectly healthy physical state.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but the accumulation of discarded skin would flood the oceans and end up having a catastrophic impact on the environment.

I wish my body did not need any food to survive, that is, I would like to feed on the air.

[Ravonium]

Granted, but it tastes of faeces.

I wish I could drive.

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but on your first outing you strike a pedestrian, who is left paralyzed. You have panic attacks every time you try to get behind the wheel thereafter.

I wish that all the butter cookie tins in the world were full of cookies again instead of buttons and sewing supplies.

[Ravonium]

Granted, but this only happens after someone breaks into your house and steals all of your other belongings.

I wish I owned a prehistoric animal toy company.

[Silvanusaurus]

Granted, but the only toys you ever produce are knock-offs of CollectA's old Becklespinax figure in a variety of gaudy colours, even when attempting to release different species they still somehow end up looking exactly the same, but you nevertheless label them as 'Scientifically Accurate Museum Quality Replicas', to the absolute disgust of the Dino Toy Forum community.

I wish that I could complete a painting to my usual standard in only a few hours, rather than up to a month.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but by painting so quickly you would end up with all your painting material and you would be ruined.

I wish the toy dinosaurs were first quality and completely free of any economic cost. In short I want free dinosaur figures.

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but for each free toy you get a kitten is thrown into the sea. You are forced to watch a video of each, with sound on.

I wish I could play bagpipes.

[Gothmog the Baryonyx]

Granted, but you can only play them very badly. (You are just allowed to do so).

I wish that thylacines weren't extinct.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but they would ruin Australian ranchers, eating all the sheep and causing the bankruptcy of the Australian economy.

I wish my prehistoric dinosaurs and animals of PVC, resin and vinyl came alive to form a prehistoric zoo in miniature and become a millionaire.

[Melanite]

I wish my prehistoric dinosaurs and animals of PVC, resin and vinyl came alive to form a prehistoric zoo in miniature and become a millionaire.

Granted, but domestic housecats quickly hunt and eat them all back into extinction.

I wish that all of the invasive plant and animal species would be instantly transported back to their native habitats.

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but all 7 and a half billion people suddenly being relocated to Africa creates substantial confusion. The subways in Cairo and Algiers get very, very crowded.

I wish the Dakotas were merged into a single state (sorry, US-centric wish).

[Ravonium]

Granted, but this results in seccesionist movements forming in both states, effectively causing a 2nd Civil War, but with the Dakotas instead of the South.

I wish homesteading was still a widespread practice in the US.

[Halichoeres]

Granted but the Ogallala Aquifer is so polluted by fracking that the crops are tainted and all the homesteads fail.

I wish they'd go ahead and quit fracking.

[Silvanusaurus]

Granted, but it is soon revealed that 'Fracking' was actually a cover for a series of subterranean defensive devices being used by the world's governments (in an irregular and surprising act of co-operation) to keep at bay the forces of the zealous 'Mole Men Commonwealth'; a civilization of Mole-like humanoid beings living in the hollow centre of the Earth, who for aeons have been bent upon a destructive crusade to eradicate humans from the outer world. Once the fracking is stopped, the Mole Men finally break through to the surface but it soon becomes apparent that they are actually only the size of regular moles and are equally blind, and in their over-confident attempt to conquer the Earth they are all destroyed with little to no effort. No harm whatsoever comes to a single human being, and life carries on as normal, but many are haunted by the senseless tragedy of the entire incident and the presumed genocide of an entire race of creatures eerily similar to ourselves but for their tiny size and their ridiculously large hands.

I wish I hadn't spent as much time as I did coming up with that scenario.

[Ravonium]

Granted, but that time is instead wasted by staring at an error page.

I wish I could skip this turn.

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but you are forbidden from any other meta-wishes.

I wish there were more restaurants in walking distance from my work.

[Ravonium]

Granted, but 'walking distance' is very loosely defined, and you end up having to walk for at least 3 hours to get to the restaurants.

I wish for a version of this game where negative wishes end up having positive outcomes.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but if all positive desires were fulfilled the world would be boring and people would lose interest in life.

I want to eat everything I want, especially appetizing foods, without getting one gram