Corrupt a wish

[Shonisaurus]

Granted the penguins would abide by these orders, they would become peaceful but the polar bears would come and devour them and then they would eat you.

I wish the accounts of the deniers of the existence of dinosaurs would be hacked.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, but they convince you the day before the hack. Your account is deleted and you lose all of your bitcoin.

I wish the penguins would not befoul my home, have the capability of hacking my computer, slap me across the face and they will not be eaten by polar bears.

[Halichoeres]

Granted, they are all dead, taxidermied specimens, incapable of the actions you describe. But they become infested with moths and are soon full of holes.

I wish there were a place to get good tortillas in this town.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, but you are dead, and don't need tortillas.

I wish for communism.

[Halichoeres]

Granted, but your country is invaded by an anti-communist one, and a right-wing dictator installed.

I wish nobody would construe my wish corruption as any sort of political commentary.

[Silvanusaurus]

Granted, but someone responds to it with a flippant off-hand political joke which is so controversial that it inspires an unprecedented and all-consuming argument involving every single member of the forum excluding yourself. Things get so out of hand so quickly that everybody, even the admins and moderators, are banned for an entire year, leaving you the only active user on the forum for 12 months straight. Over that time you find that without this community with which to share your collecting, the whole endeavor begins to feel hollow and without purpose, and in the 11th month you decide to melt all of your figures down to recast into Lego bricks for your new hobby; throwing Lego bricks at random strangers.

I wish that the moon really was made of cheese.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted, but mice and rats would think to sneak into spacecraft that move to the Moon and then they would eat it and cause a cosmic catastrophe and the planet Earth would disappear.

I wish that all the good wishes of each person were fulfilled, for example mine, which is the following "nobody deserves to die" would not it be great?

[Melanite]

I wish that all the good wishes of each person were fulfilled, for example mine, which is the following "nobody deserves to die" would not it be great?

Granted! Nobody in fact does deserve to die. However, we all keep dying anyway whether we deserve it or not.

I wish that I had a large, beautifully landscaped koi pond.

[Ravonium]

Granted, but a heron comes to your pond and eats all the koi.

I wish I could have gotten good photos of the curlews I saw fly over the car on Saturday (as well as a good photo of the UK/US army monitoring station I went past).

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted. You get a good picture of the army monitoring station. Looking closer at the picture, you realise it says "NO photography".  You then see a nuclear bomb heading towards your house. You spend your last moments sitting alone in the dark.

I wish that there was a good theme park near me.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but the theme park was going to be just for you, there would be no public and you would get bored.

I would like a bowl of lentils with bacon.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted but the theme park was going to be just for you, there would be no public and you would get bored.

I would like a bowl of lentils with bacon.

Boring? NO QUEUES! HELL YES!

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, but the bacon is vegan bacon.

I wish for Killekor to get free dinosaur models, and he doesn't repaint them all in red and blue.

[Silvanusaurus]

Granted, but he receives every single dinosaur model ever created, including your own, and he repaints them all in yellow and blue.

I wish I had a machine that produces the perfect slice of cake whenever I want, the cake always tastes delicious but is actually very beneficial for my health.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but there would be continuous storms that cause the cakes to be corrupted and spoiled for human consumption and you would run out of cake.

I would like to travel to the past and live in the time of the Roman Empire in its time of maximum splendor.

[GojiraGuy1954]

Granted, but you are a Gladiator.

I wish for the sweet release of death.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but you would die in venial sin and you would be in Purgatory until the end of time.

I wish that time would stop indefinitely especially in the beautiful moments of life.

[Gothmog the Baryonyx]

Granted but as you were completely frozen you cannot enjoy it or experience any emotions and have no idea that time stopped or any recollections of anything that occurred.

I wish that there weren't any regional variations of languages like UK English, US English, Australian English etc...

[Silvanusaurus]

Granted, but it means everyone in the world is forced to learn to speak a single language, on penalty of death, and the language is 6th century Gaelic. 

I wish I had a device that could instantly teleport a specific dinosaur toy from anywhere in the world, no matter how scarce or who owned it, into my own collection.

[Shonisaurus]

Granted but another forum member has the same device and would steal the entire collection.

I would like a robot to cook for me.